When Your Mind Says “I’m Fine,” But Your Body Says Otherwise

 

Have YOU ever had one of those days when you know you're okay...

But your body doesn't seem to believe you???

Your shoulders are tight. Your neck is aching. Your jaw is clenched. Your stomach feels unsettled.

Your heart is beating faster. You're tired, but you can't seem to relax and you feel ancy.

Maybe nothing particularly stressful is happening—but inside, you still feel on edge.

And then your brain asks the question:

"Why do I feel anxious when nothing is wrong?"

Here's something I want you to know: Your body is NOT working against you.

Your body may be responding to what it has learned to perceive as stress, uncertainty, or threat. This is one reason I use a nervous-system-first approach with my clients. Sometimes we try so hard to think our way out of anxiety that we forget something important:

Your body is part of the conversation, too. 

This is called "Bottom - Up Anxiety" - Your body senses something is off and is having a body to brain sensation, instead of having top down anxiety, a brain to body sensation or thought. 

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Your nervous system is constantly taking in information

Your brain and body are continually responding to what's happening around you—and what's happening inside you.

A stressful email. A difficult conversation with your partner. A busy schedule.

Lack of sleepcan definitely contribute to how your nervous system is acting.

Too much caffeine can be a doozy on our nervous systems.

Not eating enough can increase blood sugar, which then can increase anxiety.

A thought about something that might happen.Anticipation.

Your body doesn't necessarily wait for you to consciously decide, "This is stressful."

Your physiological response can begin before you've fully made sense of what's happening.

This is part of why anxiety can feel so physical.

And it can become a cycle:

Bottom - UP anxiety: You notice a sensation → you become concerned about it → your anxiety increases → your body becomes more activated → you notice even more sensations.

Now you're stuck wondering:

"Why can't I calm down????"

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So where do somatic exercises come in?

Somatic simply means relating to the body.

Somatic exercises invite you to pay attention to what's happening in your body and intentionally introduce experiences that may help you feel more grounded, present, and regulated. And they can take effect IMMEDIATELY!!!

This fits nicely with the way I think about nervous system work. Rather than constantly telling yourself:

"Calm down." (which doesn't work!)

You can begin giving your body experiences of compassion:

"I am here."

"I am safe enough in this moment."

"I don't have to solve everything right now."

This is also where Polyvagal Theory can be useful as a clinical framework. It emphasizes the relationship between autonomic state, cues of safety or threat, and our capacity for social engagement and regulation. Polyvagal Theory

Again, I don't think you need to understand the neuroscience before you can benefit from simply becoming more aware of your body's signals. (As you know, I am not clinical - I simplify everything!!)

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TRY THESE BOTTOM UP EXERCISES:

#1: Orienting

This is one of my favorite simple exercises because you can do it without anyone knowing you're doing it.

It's especially helpful when your mind is racing or you feel like you're stuck in your head.

Try this:

Stop for a moment.

Look around your environment slowly.

Don't search for something wrong.

Instead, notice what is neutral, pleasant, or comforting.

Maybe it's:

☀️ sunlight coming through a window

🌿 a plant

🐕 your dog lying nearby

🖼️ a familiar picture

☕ your favorite mug

Then allow yourself to notice:

"I'm here."

Look around.

Take in the room.

Feel your feet on the floor.

Notice the chair supporting you.

Let your eyes move around your environment instead of staying locked onto the anxious thought.

You're giving your attention something different to work with.

How to use it in everyday life:

Try orienting:

• before opening your email
• when you get home from work
• before walking into a difficult conversation
• when you notice yourself spiraling
• when you're lying in bed and your thoughts are racing

It takes less than a minute.

And that's the point.

Regulation doesn't always have to be another thing on your to-do list.

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#2: Longer Exhale + Body Check-In

Another simple practice is pairing a gentle breath with awareness of your body.

You don't need to take huge breaths or force yourself to "breathe perfectly."

Instead:

Inhale gently.

Then allow your exhale to be slightly longer and slower.

Repeat several times.

As you breathe, check in:

What am I noticing right now?

Maybe your shoulders are tight.

Maybe your stomach feels tense.

Maybe your hands are clenched.

Maybe you notice nothing at all.

That's okay.

You aren't trying to force your body to change.

You're practicing noticing.

Then gently ask:

"What would help my body feel a little more supported right now?"

Maybe it's unclenching your jaw.

Putting your feet on the floor.

Getting up and stretching.

Taking a walk.

Drinking some water.

Stepping outside.

Or simply taking another slow breath.

This is about creating a pause between feeling something and immediately reacting to it.

Breathing practices can influence autonomic activity, although the exact mechanisms are more complex than simply saying that a particular breath "activates the vagus nerve." That's one reason I prefer teaching these tools as practical regulation strategies rather than promising a specific physiological switch.

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🌿 Regulation isn't about feeling calm all the time

This is important.

I don't want you walking away thinking that you need to be perfectly regulated 24/7. That's not realistic. Life is going to bring stress. There will be difficult conversations. There will be deadlines. There will be parenting challenges. There will be relationship struggles. There will be uncertainty.

Regulation isn't the absence of stress.

It's developing more capacity to notice what's happening and RESPOND rather than reacting in an intense way. And sometimes regulation happens with another person. You can co regulate....with a  calm conversation with a supportive partner or friend or a therapist who helps you slow down. It is so nurturing to feel understood and seen. 

This is one reason connection and co-regulation are important parts of my work with both individuals and couples. Polyvagal-informed approaches place particular emphasis on emotional safety, and social connections. 

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Remember: You don't have to think your way through everything.

Sometimes your mind needs a new perspective or needs to process what happened. Sometimes you need practical tools. And sometimes...your body needs to be part of the healing, too, hence the somatic exercises and breathing.

AND that's the heart of my Regulate & Rise approach.

We look at the whole picture—not just your anxious thoughts. We look at our nervous system. Your sleep. Your stress. Your relationships. Your body. Your daily energy. And the patterns that may be keeping you stuck. Because you are MORE than your anxiety. And your body is NOT your enemy.

It has been trying to help you survive.

Now we can teach it that it doesn't have to work quite so hard.

🌿 Ready to Regulate & Rise?

If you're tired of feeling constantly "on," overwhelmed, or stuck in your head, therapy can be a place to slow down, understand what's happening, and learn practical ways to support your mind and body.

You don't have to wait until you're completely overwhelmed to ask for support.

Sometimes the first step is simply learning to listen to what your body has been trying to tell you.

Let's Regulate & Rise Together:  Regulate & Rise Consult