Blog 9: How to be more Kind and Compassionate to Ourselves..
"Whenever I notice something about myself I don't like, or whenever something goes wrong in my life, I silently repeat the following phrases: "This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need." - Kristen Neff
HHHIIIII everyone!!! It has been since the New Year that I have written!!
How has it been treating you so far? I hope you had some great moments that make you feel good!
This blog is about Self Compassion!
As the weather warms up, we come out of our fog, we feel the mental clouds lifting, and maybe we take off that cozy sweatshirt, and are dressing more for Spring! As this next season comes, our thoughts might be changing. Some may have experienced some dark, negative thoughts during the winter season, and hopefully moving into Spring, will feel more of a sense of hope and release of that negativity. Hence, why SELF COMPASSION is sooo important to utilize right now - to keep you going, to keep you moving, and to keep loving your beautiful self!!!
The quote above is from one of my favorite authors and podcasts, Kristen Neff. Kristen and her colleague, Kimberly Quinlan (The Anxiety ToolKit podcast and Author of Self Compassion for OCD) are often recommended and referenced to my clients, as well as, I refer to them often. These ladies are inspirational and tell it like it is. As Kristen says above, "Suffering is a part of life." How true is this? How often do we fight our suffering and try to problem solve, distract, or push it away?
And Why wouldn't we push it away or distract ourselves from suffering? Our bodies are doing the right instinctive thing by not wanting us to suffer, not wanting to feel. Therefore, we have to be grateful, (in partial), as our bodies are doing its job. However, when you grow older, have more experiences, those feelings, those anxieties, or even physiological aches, can come back with force! Can anyone relate?
One example could be that you had a relationship that didn't treat you right, and it left you feeling awful, and full of anger. But instead of working through the anger to those hurt feelings, you moved onto the next relationship, and found yourself in the same situation, with the same feeling... It happens, we have all been there!
The GROWTH comes when we stop that cycle - to PAUSE, REFLECT, and give some compassion to ourselves, so that we can have a healthier relationship. Again, we are grateful that our bodies protect us naturally, but it is okay to say enough is enough and there are healthier ways to protect ourselves, we just have to pause and listen. Pausing and listening are forms of self compassion.
Who experiences pain? Chronic pain? Migraines? Physical ailments? Stomach ulcers from stress? Who tries to distract from the pain? Take pain meds? Talk negatively to self? Or physically hits the pain point? We all have our breaking points, especially when we are in pain. Next time you have a pain flare, try COMPASSION.
*Try giving your pain, a gentle hug. Try talking calmly to yourself, noticing the pain, feeling the pain, and breathing INTO the pain. When you allow yourself to feel, the feeling will "feel" less intense, less painful. In most cases, it will not take the pain away (just want to be honest), but it will take the edge off, so that you can manage a little easier.
What are other components of self compassion:
- being open
- being kind
- respectful
- able to release criticism
- able to release self judgement
Self Compassion is about letting go of beliefs, normalizing your feelings AND letting you feel. It provides nurturing and increases self love. It provides encouragement in moving forward through a challenging situation. Through self compassion, you learn to love yourself through learning from your mistakes.
Let's put into practice what I am talking about. Here are some statements for self compassion that you are welcome to say aloud to yourself:
- I can make mistakes. They are a normal part of life. They help me grow and learn.
- I am feeling anxious right now about meeting this new person. I bet you they are nervous too. Most people get nervous meeting new people.
- I am doing the best I can right now, and that is enough.
- My pain is pretty intense. I just want it to go away. Let me try to be "friends" with my pain today, and breathe through it. I am strong. The intensity will pass.
- is that working for you?
- are you depleted by 6pm when you have to cook dinner?!
- are you forgetting things?
- how is your self talk at the end of the day?
- Wake up,
- lie there,
- breathe.
- Then slowly sit up, and drink a 1/2 a glass of water.
- Stand and slowly stretch. Open up your chest and breathe.
- Say something kind to yourself i.e. "that rest was very much needed," or "I really enjoy my bed." You may say some encouraging statements including "I have a lot on my plate today, and I am going to take it one task at a time. No matter what I get done, I AM ENOUGH!"
- I guarantee, this approach utilized every day, is a life changer!
Bonus Exercise: Self Doubt and Self compassion rock backs: this exercise is extremely helpful when feeling low, or having self doubt, or feeling anxious/stressed:
- get onto all fours on the floor
- take a deep breath, close your eyes or gaze at a close spot on the floor
- rock back towards your heels as you inhale
- say to yourself: "bring in self compassion"
- rock forward as you exhale
- say to yourself: "let go of self doubt"
- get into a rhythm = back and forth
- stop when you feel you are ready
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